Award-winning playwright, actor and HIV activist Nathaniel J Hall (First Time, It’s a Sin) returns to the stage with his hotly anticipated new play, Toxic, subtitled Not another play about gay pride shame.
This is the story of how we met, fell in love, and f*cked it up. But it’s not just our story. It’s his, and his and theirs. Maybe it’s yours… Maybe.
Manchester 2016. In the middle of a hot and sweaty queer warehouse party, two damaged hearts collide. He is white, HIV+ and drowning in shame. They are mixed, queer and one microaggression away from a full-on breakdown. Born at the height of the Aids epidemic and growing up in the shadow of Section 28, the pair form a trauma bond so tight they might just survive it all. But sometimes survival means knowing when to leave.
Produced by Dibby Theatre, this beautiful and explosive semi-autobiographical show is written by Nathaniel J Hall – and performed by Nathaniel with Josh-Susan Enright. It marks Nathaniel’s eagerly anticipated return to the stage since his autobiographical debut, First Time, reached its 100th performance in early 2022.
Inspired by true events and blending storytelling, movement, visual projections and an original soundtrack, Toxic documents the fallout when two damaged queer hearts collide. Pulling back the glittery curtain of pride, this powerful and passionate play sensitively exposes the devastating impact of generational homophobia, racism, toxic gender norms, and HIV stigma, whilst celebrating survival and the resilience of the queer spirit.
Well-known for his community-led creative advocacy and activism, Nathaniel has become a powerful voice on HIV and LGBTQ+ issues. But despite the enormous success of First Time and his subsequent casting in Russell T Davies’ hit Channel 4 TV series It’s A Sin, behind closed doors Nathaniel found himself locked in cycles of self-destructive behaviour and co-dependent, even abusive relationships.
Keen to explore why this was, Nathaniel began to research LGBTQ+ private life, speaking with friends and colleagues, hosting LGBTQ+ creative workshops and interviewing leading LGBTQ+ researchers, experts and writers, uncovering that whilst many of us publicly celebrate with pride, behind closed doors, many of us are still suffering the devastating impacts of societal prejudice and shame.
His research revealed:
- 1 in 3 people with HIV face stigma from their family, friends or workplace (THT)
- Half of global majority LGBTQ+ people face racism from within the LGBTQ+ community (Stonewall)
- 1 in 4 gay and 1 in 3 bisexual people suffer domestic abuse after age 16 (Stonewall)
- Gay men are 3 times more likely to use illegal substances than heterosexual men (Crime Survey, England and Wales)
- Half of LGBTQ+ people have faced depression, 3 in 5 have faced anxiety (Stonewall)
- 1 in 8 LGBTQ+ people aged 18-24 have attempted to end their life (Stonewall)
Inspired by these findings and his own and others’ lived experiences, Nathaniel wrote Toxic to open a non-judgmental dialogue about the impact of minority stress on queer relationships.
As Nathaniel himself comments:
“Telling my HIV story publicly transformed my professional life, but behind closed doors my personal life was in free fall. In 2019, finding myself at the end of another deeply problematic co-dependent relationship and seeing many LGBTQ+ friends in similar situations, I thought to myself, what’s really going on here? So, I read ‘Straight Jacket’ by Matthew Todd and cried buckets. I read ‘We Can Do Better Than This,’ compiled by Amelia Abraham and cried buckets again. I started therapy and cried a whole swimming pool.
“I realised just how exhausted I was trying to mask the hurt the world had caused me and how alcohol, drugs and the pursuit of sex were the perfect escapes from tackling it head on. When my compound trauma collided with another queer person’s trauma in the present, it was a recipe for disaster. I discovered how many other LGBTQ+ people were carrying all this, and in the case of my Black and Asian, trans or disabled friends a whole load more. I cried a whole ocean.
“I wanted to know why when the world treats us so badly, do we end up treating ourselves and each other badly too? I led workshops with gay and bisexual people and conversations opened out into HIV shame, gender, race, poverty, sex work. It became clear that despite the modern pride movement, many of us still battle deep rooted shame. Sometimes we’re not even aware of it. And so, I began writing again, and Toxic was born.
“Toxic is a love letter to all my exes and myself. The play contains just one story out of millions, but I hope it helps others who may be struggling to feel less isolated. Ultimately Toxic is about survival and resilience. I hope people laugh out loud with us, cry buckets with us, and then reach deep inside to their own wounded inner child and tell them: I got you, we’re going to be OK, we’ll survive this, together.”
Toxic is directed by Scott Le Crass, who directed the acclaimed play Rose, which began its life in Manchester and later played the West End. I interviewed Le Crass at The Stage Debut Awards 2023, and he confirmed that the title is a Britney reference (so gay).
Toxic has its world premiere at HOME (Theatre 2) from October 18 to 28 and will be followed by a UK tour in 2024.
JADAR 