JADAR

★★★★☆

Wicked told us “the life and times of the Wicked Witch of the West.” Maleficent applied the same formula to the Mistress of Evil, and Cruella told us what happened before the De Vil fell from grace. Now, at long last, the Sea Witch has been given a platform to tell us what really happened all those years ago – but this is a story far too frightening, tragic… and X-rated for children.

Unfortunate: The Untold Story of Ursula the Sea Witch – The Musical Parody is a prequel and sequel to, and radical reimagining of, Disney’s The Little Mermaid. But whilst the latter was a sanitised version of Hans Christian Anderson’s original fairy tale, this appropriation is f*cking filthy.

“Masturbation, chemical peels and rage – it keeps you young,” says the misunderstood Ursula, whilst the airheaded Ariel longs to be “where the dicks are” (sang to tune of ‘Part of Your World’). This show will ruin your childhood more than your parents telling you how babies are made – especially with its subversive storytelling, which combines cabaret with children’s TV programme!

The crude humour, though provocative, is not gratuitous. The creatives have taken the original story – which sees a woman mutilate her body to be with a man she does not know (even though Ariel is far more autonomous than previous Disney heroines) – to tell a story which is relevant to today.

It is sex-positive, body-positive, and all-round positive. It’s silly and filthy but fiercely feminist and sociopolitical. Through humour, we are told a story about self-love, self-worth, and selflessness.

As is increasingly common knowledge, Ursula, something of a queer icon, was modelled on renowned drag queen Divine. Whilst many in the queer community hoped Disney would acknowledge this by casting a drag queen in the live-action adaptation, we all saw the uproar when they cast a Black actress as Ariel, so the former would have been too risky – especially with the recent rise in anti-drag sentiments and the suggestion that the queer community are attempting to groom and indoctrinate straight kids (as if religious people have not been grooming kids, both mentally and physically, forever – but that’s a topic for another day).

Unfortunate casts a cisgender woman as Ursula but the previous production cast a Black woman in the role whilst the current has cast a drag queen of East Asian heritage as Ariel. Queer kids grew up with Disney, and they love it just as much as adults – so this production recognises that fan base, just as the live-action movie recognised the little Black girls devoted to Disney. Unfortunate is unashamedly queer – the only way it could have been gayer is if the harness-wearing cast also wore jockstraps!

With a book by Robyn Grant and Daniel Foxx, and direction by Grant (who played Ursula in the original production), we learn how Ursula was framed and banished – and that two decades later, her former flame (Triton, now King) seeks her help to educate his lame-brained, sole-surviving daughter, whose mother is dead.

Ursula, who sings about the lack of ‘Female Role Models’, does indeed steal Ariel’s voice and attempt to ruin her marriage to the stupid and self-centred Prince Eric (who makes Ariel look like Einstein) – but only to teach the ignorant mermaid an important lesson about independence.

But all Ariel longs for is men (or, rather, “dick”), which reflects the narrative of the film, in which a Princess longs to be free… to marry a Prince she does not even know. They then live happily (and domestically) ever after…

The show is as much a tribute to The Little Mermaid as it is a parody of it. It is full of affection for the iconic movie, which was semi-feminist with its rebellious Princess, but it pokes fun at its flawed feminist politics, even going so far as to recreate ‘Kiss the Girl’ as ‘Ask the Girl’.

With Ariel rendered a mindless bimbo, Ursula, the film’s antagonist, becomes a girl-boss anti-hero and a “female role model”.

The songs, penned by Grant and Foxx, with music by Tim Gilvin, are rapturous. Every single one. However, some of the numbers feel like they could be bigger. The terrific title song felt a little flat, though its reprise was much more thunderous.

A highlight is the scornful ‘We Didn’t Make it to Disney’, where ugly sea creatures are given a moment to shine, though the most memorable number is probably Ariel’s ‘Where the Dicks Are’, complete with a sexy stone statue that gets even harder (if you know what I mean).

Shawna Hamic (Orange Is the New Black) completely embodies the Sea Witch / Bad Bitch whilst River Medway (RuPaul’s Drag Race UK) is excellently annoying, irritating and infuriating as the horny, happy, hapless Ariel.

Thomas Lowe (a former member of North & South, who starred in No Sweat) is incredibly charming as King Triton, who is forbidden from marrying the “ugly” Ursula. Original cast member Jamie Mawson is hilarious as King Neptune, Triton’s misogynistic father (who has “the face of an old man but the body of a twink”), and the idiotic Prince Eric.

Jack Gray, usually ensemble, covered the roles usually played by Julian Capolei, including Prince Eric’s caretaker and confidante, Grimsby, and Ursula’s “beautiful” human form, Vanessa, who possesses Ariel’s grating Essex accent and screechy singing (and a marvellous moustache).

Then there is Allie Dart, another original cast member, who is also the Resident Director and Dance Captain. At the last press night at the Lowry, she learned the role of Ursula on the day – though her skinny appearance had her looking more like Ursula’s sister, Morgana! – and she absolutely slayed.

Usually, though, she plays Sebastian the crab, a female version of the French cook, and countless other characters, each distinct. There is even a scene where she plays both of her main characters, at one point running off stage at the back as Sebastian and then suddenly swanning through the stage right as the cook. She is, without a doubt, one of the most talented comedy actors I’ve seen onstage.

The epic ensemble is made up of Corrina Buchan, Jack Gray, Jamie McKillop, and Milly Willows. As the fabulously devastating finale of A Chorus Line (‘One’) shows us, ensembles sometimes blur into one – but every single member of this ensemble is distinct, and each is given multiple moments to shine bright like a sea pearl. These actors have to juggle so many different parts and props and parts of props (sometimes literally) but they never flap or falter.

Unfortunate has been adapted and upgraded several times. The new set, props, puppets and costumes (Abby Clarke) are a far cry from the cheap, make-shift feel of previous productions (though the cheapness arguably increased the humour, what with this being an adaptation of a Disney movie). There is even a flying disco ball which the queer queen sits on like a throne.

Adam King’s lighting design helps make the show feel like a cross between a fever dream and a seedy disco whilst Melody Sinclair fills the stage with her electric choreography.

The production now runs at 2 hours and 35 minutes, though the slightly late starts meant it did not end until 10:45PM, which is too late for a piece of theatre, even on a Friday night. Whilst I was never bored, for the production throws everything but the kitchen sink, it is a little too long for a parody show. A good chunk of the show could be cut – we know this because the shorter productions worked just fine, if not better, and the show had to be cut for its run at Edinburgh Fringe, which was acclaimed.

A lot happens in this show – perhaps too much – and sometimes less is more (the more sex and sparkles, the better, but we could have done with a little less story and singing).

Like its central character, Unfortunate has a few flaws, but good luck finding a more entertaining show. It is a fabulously filthy, funny and feel-good feminist reimagination of a children’s classic – but do not, under any circumstances, take your kids.

Unfortunate: The Untold Story of Ursula the Sea Witch – The Parody Musical runs at the Lowry (Quays Theatre) until March 2 and tours the UK until July 14.

Photo: Pamela Raith Photography