Daphna Attias and Terry O’Donovan are the Co-Artistic Directors and Joint CEOs of theatre company Dante or Die. Now in its 18th year, the company’s latest production, Kiss Marry Kill, is touring the UK. Inspired by real-life events, the provocative new play reimagines the first same-sex wedding in a UK prison – a union between two men in prison for homophobic murders. We sat down with Attias and O’Donovan to find out more about the show.
This play is inspired by real-life events. How did this come about?
“We started working on this project in 2016, having read an article about the first same-sex couple to get married in a UK prison. The complexities and complications of the men’s relationship – from unrelated homophobic murders to marrying each other – fascinated us. The fact that the men were separated as a result of choosing to get married complicated the story even more for us.
“I married my husband in Belgium before same-sex marriage was legal in the UK, and I was really interested in the validation and safety that a marriage offered, and as we began our research, everyone had a different opinion about the reasons for their wedding.
“I knew James Baldwin had worked extensively in prisons facilitating drama workshops and he came onboard straight away as a collaborator. Writing the play as a trio has been a fascinating process, functioning like a mini writing room. Supported by dramaturg Lisa Golman, we created an extremely detailed storyboard which we wrote from. Sometimes we would write three versions of the same scene and combine ideas; we’d often be on our feet improvising dialogue. At other times, one of us would arrive with a scene that the others duly approved!
“Over the years of the project’s development, we have visited a variety of LGBTQ+ groups and five different prisons, including the prison where these men live. But we were denied access to them, and despite trying, we haven’t been able to speak with victim’s families. This led to our decision to fictionalise the story we would tell.
“Throughout the development, we have spoken with people who work in prisons, including sexual health workers, forensic psychologists, chaplains, governors and officers. The discussions have always been extremely eye-opening. It’s clear that the staff have so much passion for the rehabilitative work that they do, but talking openly about homosexual relationships was always challenging and often denied.
“We met with criminologist Dr Nicola Carr to discuss her work on LGBTQ+ life in prisons and worked with her to pitch arts engagement projects for LGBTQ+ prisoners, but no prisons wanted to touch it. Sex in prison between men is a major taboo. This made us want to tell this story even more. Why are relationships between men still perceived as being so dangerous, despite ‘equality’ being in place?”
The play deals with some serious themes and topics. What does it hope to achieve?
“We hope Kiss Marry Kill sparks debate, challenges our audiences as much as we’ve been challenged during the creative process, and makes people think about how they can make their corner of the world better for everyone around them.
“As we premiered the show, we found ourselves at a moment when the prison system is buckling under the pressure of continued funding constraints, making rehabilitation more challenging. According to Galop’s Hate Crime Report (2021) two-thirds of LGBTQ+ people had experienced anti-LGBTQ+ violence or abuse. Of these, nine in ten had experienced verbal abuse, three in ten had experienced physical violence, and two in ten had experienced sexual violence.
“Despite huge advances in representation and civic rights, homophobia and transphobia continues to affect us in the UK, and across the globe is frighteningly worse. Ghana’s parliament has passed a tough new bill that imposes a prison sentence of up to three years for anyone convicted of identifying as LGBTQ+. Iraq has just brought in an anti LGBT+ law that imposes a sentence of 10 to 15 years for same-sex relations and a prison term of one to three years for people who undergo or perform gender-transition surgeries and for ‘intentional practice of effeminacy’.
“Shame and punishment still goes very much hand-in-hand for queer people, and we need to get people talking about this.
“We’ve had amazingly generous support from Geese Theatre and Clean Break, and a long-term collaboration with Synergy Theatre. Synergy recruited nine ex-prisoners to take part in a research and development period with us in 2019. The room was explosive. The men’s opinions were divided, and their experiences hugely fed into both the script and the shaping of the project.
“It was clear that we should create roles for people with prison experience in the production. We also felt it was important to build pathways into the arts, so we devised a theatre workshop programme at HMP Swaleside; and a ten-week Approaches to Theatre-Making course for 15 Synergy members. The three ensemble cast-members in Kiss Marry Kill come from our work with Synergy Theatre.”
What role does rap play in the play? Is Lady Lykez an actual character or is her music more of a storytelling device? Or something else entirely?
“We always knew that we wanted spoken word to be a part of the world of the show as a form of storytelling. Our long-term composer Yaniv Fridel put us in touch with the inimitable Lady Lykez, and we were bowled over by her lyrics, performance style and energy. She collaborated with us as writers to write the lyrics within specific moments of the show that we wanted lyrics and music to tell the story and help us to whizz past months within the prison.
“Lady Lykez’ rap performance is incredible – but she is also a wonderful actress. She plays a prison officer as well as Kerry, who is the lead character’s fiancée. We see her journey, from having a baby alone to being told that he’s going to marry a man. It’s quite a role!”
Why have you chosen to stage the play in those particular venues?
“We have chosen to stage it in places where people get married. Our set is made up solely of real prison beds that were donated from HMP Holloway when it was closed down. Putting a prison within these spaces felt like an interesting contradiction. And queer people have often, and are still, excluded from these places if they are religious, so the locations are helping us to add complexity to the experience for our audiences.”
This is not a typical play – but no Dante or Die play is! Why should people who have not seen this kind of theatre go to see Kiss Marry Kill?
“It’s really dynamic and exciting. The music is pumping and gets under your skin. Our ensemble of six are incredible performers. And it’s a story that’s almost unbelievable.”
Tell us about Odds On – what was it like making a short film and do you hope to make more?
“We loved making Odds On – which is still available to experience for free on our website. It’s an interactive short film about slot machines. You start the experience playing a slot machine. When you win, the screen flips around and you’re then watching a woman called Felicity play the same game. You’re then looking into her life as she begins to spiral and become more addicted to the underwater slot machine, so much so that her animated avatar takes over the whole screen.
“It was fascinating to make. We loved working with an animator and learning about screen storytelling. We collaborated with a group of people with lived experience of gambling harm over a whole year. They were amazing as creative advisors on the project and taught us so so much about their experiences.
“We went on to work with Gordon Moody rehabilitation centres and worked in their centres over a year using the film as a jumping off point. We’re going to now create installations on high streets where there will be slot machines in what look like betting shops but they’re actually machines that you can watch the film.”
Dante or Die turns 20 in 2026. Are there any plans to mark the anniversary?
“It’s tough to think about that in the middle of Kiss Marry Kill… but we’ve been toying with bringing back one of our favourite productions… Watch this space.”
Kiss Marry Kill tours the UK until May 19, playing at Hallé St Peters, Manchester from May 10 to 12.
Photo: Dante or Die
JADAR 