JADAR

★★★★★

House of Suarez sashayed back to Manchester Academy for their annual Vogue Ball, presented in partnership with Contact. This year’s theme was conspiracy theories – which allowed the gals, gays and theys to dress up as plenty of queer icons, such as Marilyn, Diana, and… Satan?

For those of you unaware, a “ball” is, essentially, a dance competition, where “Houses” (dance groups) compete. There are several categories, from “sex siren” to “lip sync”, and each has a winner.

Darren Suarez, the “Mother” of the House of Suarez, opened the show with a touching speech, before the main action began.

The House of Suarez, all donning sparkly black gloves, opened the show with an intriguing performance, which featured a cameo from Darren. It was not as bold as previous opening numbers but nobody can deny the skill of the Suarezes.

Then, an astronaut appeared onstage. As he got to the end of the catwalk, he removed his helmet to reveal gorgeous, golden dreads, as Nicki Minaj’s ‘Starships’ burst through the speakers. It was, of course, Rikki Beadle-Blair MBE, Vogue Ball’s hostess with the mostest. He stripped out of his spacesuit; it was a bit of a struggle but it was worth the wait, for he was wearing a gorgeous, shiny gown.

As always, Rikki reminded the audience – which was “rather on the pale side” – that voguing is a Black, queer art-form. It was mainstreamed by Madonna but it was created by poor, queer Latin and African-Americans.

Rikki is a hilarious host. At one point, he referenced a well-dressed person on the front row. He made her get up and show off. “Next time you see someone like that on the front row, go home and change!” Later, after some sexy performers had taken to the stage, he said, “I won’t sleep a wink tonight. I will lie awake tossing and tossing and tossing.”

The opening number, Fantasy, offers the Houses the chance to be as artistic and creative as they want to be. One House even had sexy female aliens kidnap Boris Johnson and take him back to their spaceship, after he got a bit touchy-feely.

Fantasy was won by the House of La Porta, as was the Solo category (the remarkable Joy Mahoro), which ended in a dance-off (or “femme-off”, as Rikki called it, what with it being between two female performers) but nobody moves like that b*tch!

La Porta, always the most popular House with judges and audiences alike, explored a conspiracy theory surrounding the death of Princess Diana in the next category, Realness.

Owen Gillott embodied the skinny queen in her iconic Revenge Dress, before three performers donning Royal masks (Queen Elizabeth, Prince Charles, and Mistress Camilla) appeared at the back of the stage. Diana curtsied for the Royals before the women pulled out guns and Charles, holding a toy car, chased her around and off the stage!

Owen also killed it as a Shrek-coloured alien in the Lip Sync category, in which he sang Jennifer Saunders’ cover of Bonnie Tyler’s ‘Holding Out for a Hero’ from Shrek 2 – complete with the sparkly red dress.

There were, of course, tributes to Marilyn Monroe, with one performer opening their lip sync with ‘Happy Birthday, Mr. President’ and ending it with ‘I Wanna Be Loved By You’, ripping off their red dress to reveal a bloodied Marilyn-esque white dress.

Haus of Somme recreated Marilyn’s ‘Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend’ from Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, with Hans Somme, donning pink undies, gloves and boots, accompanied by three hunks in suits.

Hans made it to the lip sync battle, alongside a female performer – the girls really brought it this year!

Perhaps the most popular category, Sex Siren, was extra saucy this year.

There was another tribute to Marilyn, in which secret service agents suffocated her with a cloth – which was a perhaps a little poor taste.

There was a high-heeled Donald Trump stripping off – and I will never be able to get that performance out of my head.

Whilst last year saw a lot of girl-on-girl action, this year, Haus of Somme opted for boy-on-boy (on boy), with illuminati members Lyud Hristov and Raphael Santiago Leigh giving Niklas Knauthe a gay hazing. Honestly, if this is how one procures Illuminati membership, most of that audience would be signing up!

A female performer wearing a bra and knickers made out of face masks had “clap for the NHS” written on her butt cheeks – provocative!

The category was won, however, by Michael “Bagsy” Oladele, who went full stripper, ripping open his skirt to reveal a black leather thong. The category ended with all the performers taking to the stage together, and Bagsy cockily cut in front of the three White boys, much to the humour of Lyud.

The final category, Choreography, saw the House of LIPA dressed as sexy aliens as they danced to a medley which fittingly included Beyoncé’s ‘Alien Superstar’. They joined the competition last year, and I hope they keep coming back; they ooze not only talent but also passion.

Haus of Somme delivered a tribute to Britney Spears, with five dancers each wearing an iconic Britney outfit (including a Black male performer donning a blonde wig as he honoured ‘Baby One More Time’). The three straight boys from the Marilyn and illuminati numbers played security.

Whilst Haus of Somme might not have moves as sharp as the others, their creativity, artistry and ambition are next-to-none. They got the ball’s theme down to a T. Each performance had a clear concept; some told a story.

In another category, they controversially referenced Pizzagate, with the aforementioned Black performer wearing a huge pizza box stating “Pizzagate is real”. Hans told me that they were laughing at how different that was to the rest of the performers in that category – but they sure got the memo!

The House of La Porta honoured Greek mythology with their electrifying Gods vs Titans number – which was, certainly, the audience’s favourite.

However, the award, once again, went to the hosting house – whose performance was not as innovative and inventive as the numbers by the other Houses, but they are the crème de la crème of British voguing: their skill, technique and precision are next level.

For the third year running, La Porta lost Best Choreography but won Best Overall.

I have but three criticisms for this epic event. Firstly, why was it so fricken cold? At events like these, less is more – as in, the less clothes, the better! – but it was so bloody cold that we had to keep the layers on.

Secondly, there was quite a bit of topical repetition. Perhaps the Houses should get together to discuss what they are going to tackle – because as much as I love aliens and Marilyn, they did become a little tiresome. They could have tackled some sillier and wilder conspiracy theories – like the Avril Lavigne replacement conspiracy theory!

Lastly, as I stated in my review of last year’s show, the lack of Houses led by people of colour is unfortunate. For some reason, they no longer take part. Granted, some of them now appear in a summer ball hosted by the House of Ghetto, but that is months away.

That said, having a Black host – and one who begins the show by reminding the majority White audience that this is a queer Black art-form – is a saving grace.

House of Suarez’ Vogue Ball is a sensational celebration of ballroom and voguing – and I will continue to attend annually.

Head to House of Suarez‘ website to keep up to date with their Vogue Ball events.

Photo: Shirlaine Forrest